The Truth About Dealing with Difficult People: Why Your HR Manual is Wrong

Related Articles:

• Growth Network Blog
• Workplace Abuse Training

Here's something your corporate training never told you: 87% of workplace conflicts aren't actually about difficult people—they're about systems that create difficult situations. Yet we keep blaming personality clashes when the real culprit is poor leadership and unclear expectations.

After seventeen years running teams across Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane, I've learned that the phrase "difficult person" is usually code for "someone whose working style doesn't match mine." And frankly, that's on us as leaders, not them.

The Myth of the Difficult Person

Most so-called difficult people aren't inherently problematic. They're often your most passionate employees who've become frustrated with bureaucracy, unclear direction, or being micromanaged by someone half their experience. Sound familiar?

I remember this bloke at a construction firm in Perth—let's call him Dave. Everyone labelled him "difficult" because he questioned everything and pushed back on timelines. Turns out Dave had fifteen years of experience and was trying to prevent the same costly mistakes he'd seen repeated endlessly. Management wasn't listening. Dave wasn't difficult; he was desperate to be heard.

The real difficult people? The ones who smile in meetings then sabotage projects behind your back. The passive-aggressive types who agree to everything then deliver nothing. Those are the ones that'll cost you sleep and money.

What Actually Works (And What Doesn't)

Forget the textbook approaches. Here's what I've found actually moves the needle:

Set brutal clarity from day one. Most "difficult" behaviour stems from people not knowing what's expected. I mean specific, measurable outcomes—not fluffy mission statements. If someone's being defensive, they probably don't understand their role properly.

Stop trying to change personalities. You can't turn an introvert into a networking superstar, and you shouldn't try. Work with people's natural tendencies, not against them. I've seen too many managers waste months trying to force square pegs into round holes.

Address the behaviour, never the person. This sounds obvious but watch how quickly conversations derail when you say "you're being difficult" instead of "this specific action caused this specific problem."

The golden rule I learned from a wise old supervisor in Adelaide: everyone wants to feel competent and respected. Take away either of those, and you'll create your own difficult person.

The Real Conversation Framework

Here's the approach that's saved me countless headaches. When someone's being genuinely problematic:

First, get curious before you get furious. Ask yourself: what's driving this behaviour? Are they overwhelmed? Undertrained? Dealing with personal issues? Sometimes the most difficult person in your office is going through the worst time of their life.

Second, have the conversation privately and quickly. Don't let issues fester. I once waited three months to address a team member's constant negativity, and by then it had infected half the department. My mistake.

Third, give them a way to save face. Nobody wants to be the office villain. Frame solutions as team improvements, not personal corrections.

When You're the "Difficult" One

Plot twist: sometimes you're the problem. I learned this the hard way during a project in Darwin where my entire team started avoiding me. Turns out my "direct communication style" was coming across as aggressive micromanagement.

The signs you might be creating difficult dynamics:

• High turnover in your department
• People stop bringing you problems
• Meetings become tense when you walk in
• Your feedback sessions feel more like interrogations

If this sounds familiar, the fix isn't personality surgery. It's about understanding your impact on others. Get honest feedback from someone you trust, preferably not your spouse.

The Australian Factor

Working across different states has taught me that "difficult" behaviour often varies by location and industry culture. What passes for normal assertiveness in Sydney might seem aggressive in Brisbane. Mining sites have different communication norms than corporate offices in Melbourne.

This matters because labelling someone difficult might just mean they're from a different workplace culture. I've seen brilliant tradies struggle in corporate environments not because they're difficult, but because nobody explained the unwritten rules.

The Nuclear Option

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you're dealing with someone who's genuinely toxic. They're not confused or frustrated—they're actively harmful to team morale and productivity.

These are the ones who:

• Consistently undermine colleagues
• Refuse to acknowledge their mistakes
• Create drama wherever they go
• Show no interest in improvement despite clear feedback

With these individuals, swift action protects everyone else. Document everything, follow your processes, and don't feel guilty about it. Keeping one toxic person can cost you several good ones.

<function_calls> <invoke name="project_knowledge_search"> <parameter name="query">professional development training skills fairfishsa